I’m going to try and turn it on.  It’s not working.  Here I am with a brand new band that is signing with Cursed Blessings Records, and working with the producer of Walk Off The Earth, and I just want to kill myself.  It’s not any other reason than just being broken.  Then thing that is keeping me alive right now are the songs.  I’m writing, rewriting, and reworking songs with incredible velocity.  And you know me.  I’m the only musician alive that gets it right every time.

Am I going to kill myself when the songs stop?  What is the record deal and producer going to do for a severely mentally-ill 52 year old man.  I love my band.  I’m not going to plug it.  I’m going to keep the plugging to a minimum with this band.  I’m doing everything different.  I’ve annoyed enough people into oblivion with my shameless self-promotion.

I think I know what’s ailing me.  A little over a year ago I got long awaited, albeit delicious revenge on my ex-wife for fucking my life up.  It cured 75% of my mental illness.

I think that’s it.  I think I have guilt about that.  And I know I will never be at peace as a human being until I promise myself to never do something that rotten again.  I’m not sure if I wrote about it or not, but it’s something that torments me.  But I can’t stop feeling good about it.  She really did a number on me.  Then after taking revenge, all the pain went away.  It was replaced with a glow.

Fuck that glow.  Is that evil?  Is it evil to take pleasure in something so dastardly regardless or the catalyst?

I don’t know.  But I swear to fucking christ I’ll never do something so deceitful in my life again.  It was so meticulously planned and just fucking rotten.  And to derive pleasure and peace from it, just makes it that much more nefarious.

Anyway.  I’m going to chime in every day again if I can.