I wish I figured it all out 20 years ago, or at the very least wasn’t such a miserable bastard with narcissistic tendencies.  I didn’t get my Low Latent Inhibition diagnosis until I was in my forties.  Same goes for my Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis.  My ex-wife, Martine, gets the assist for that one.  After 15 years of not knowing whatever happened to her I got an email from her informing me our daughter, Veronica, was diagnosed with the same thing.

Poor me.  Poor everyone really.  I live a charmed life compared to others.  There are a lot of people in Gaza who would agree with me for sure.

My entire life has been a comedy of errors and poor decisions.  Mental illness is not the blame.  Not autism.  I knew what I was doing almost all of the time, even when I was as manic as a donut.  And when I wasn’t manic or disassociated, I just had a complete lack of compassion.

I burst out of the womb into a family of horrible people.  My mother was a lying cheating narcissist who’s probably hopping coals in hell right now.  But I loved her.  But she taught us we were all expendable.  My poor step father didn’t know how to discipline in a way that didn’t hospitalize me on several occasions.

I had to learn to survive at all costs at my young age.  Again, cakewalk compared to others but this isn’t Others.com.

There are a lot of stories to tell, and I will.  It’s happening.  A book is coming.  I’ll be on here regularly.

I think I’m done running.  I think I’m home.  I’m sorry it took me this long to find my true form.  There is a new record on its way too.  But it’s going to be different this time.

Thanks to those who’ve been paying attention to the trainwreck known as Doug Hell.  Hopefully a redemption arc will come of this, whether I deserve it or not.